Jedi With A Sharingan
by bipocni
Summary: Warning: there is a LOT of swearing in this story
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **c'mon, as if i even slightly own this stuff. if i did i wouldn't be mangling it this bad.

**AN:** i appologise in advance for the swearing. there's quite a lot of it. see you at the other end.

Armageddon. The day of reckoning. Not many people can say they lived to see it. Well, that's a bit of a lie. Six billion people lived to see it. The entire population of the earth, in fact. What i mean is, not many people can say they lived _through_ it. I'm one of them. I'm just awesome that way.

Not too much to say about me really. I'm you're average 17 year old stoner idiot. Work in mcdonalds, date girls i shouldn't be interested in, devote hours a day to guitar hero, the usual stuff. Then of course one day, out of nowhere, this massive wave of fire comes rushing towards me from the horizon. Needless to say, i freaked out quite a bit.

Came too in my living room, which was strange cause i wasn't in my living room when it happened, and there was no damage anywhere. Some guy in a white robe is playing my guitar hero and doing quite badly at it. He looks across at me and says something along the lines of, "dude this game is fucking awesome!"

Well i'm understandably freaked, so i get all confronting like, "who the fuck are you, what are you doing in my house" the usual stuff.

He busts out with some shit like, "i am the only begotten son of god and i'm here to cleanse the earth of impure souls."

Now i've met my fair share of trippers before, so this isn't so unusual to me. The big wall of flame is an indicator he just might be telling the truth though. "Why you playing my guitar hero then?"

"Lad, do you have any idea how boring it is where i'm from? I spend all day listening to people ask me for stuff they're too lazy to do. This game is a great break from all that. Plus, i had to wait here for you to wake up, so i decided to have some fun while i'm at it."

I blink. He seems not to notice, but he did just get to the solo. "Why me specifically, i'm not that big a deal am i? This isn't some ghost rider shit is it?" Of course, ghost rider wasn't specifically what i was going for, but i was a little out of my depth here.

"Lad, you're one of a million people out there that didn't get immediately judged and sent to the afterlife. You get something special." Riiiiiiiiiight. I'm more worthy of whatever this is then oprah or that old guy from the starving african kid commercials. He finishes the song, puts in 'jesus motherfucker :)' as a name and turns to me. "Pick your afterlife," he says with a cheshire cat grin.

"So i can just pick anything i want, design some new shit, and you'll just call it fair and give me what i want?"

"Sure why not?" he replies, "of course, your actions there will dictate your afterlife after that, but it's a bit more fun. You saw the planet burn, you get this just for participating."

"Consolation prize then?"

"Yup. Want some help making this up?"

Because i'm totally gonna get a hardcore christian to design any facet of my life, let alone the whole thing. Nevermind the fact he is christ. I'm starting to get a headache by this point. "Nah j-man," he quirks an eyebrow at this and starts a new song, "I got this. I spent way too much of my life making worlds up for myself anyway. Can i take a look around the old neighbourhood before i do this?"

He looks a little pensive, or it could just be his concentration face, "I don't think you want to see it. The whole planet's on fire."

"Are you fucking kidding me!" I shout with barely suppressed joy, "how many motherfuckers can say they saw a planet burn. Would be kickass from orbit, but i'll take whatever."

Out of fucking nowhere, we're orbiting the motherfucking planet, and it is indeed on fire. "Beautiful. . . . " I don't know which of us said it, but i know we both agree.

"Alright j-man-" i start before he cuts me off.

"Don't call me that."

"Alright _j-dog _, i think i got it all planned out."

So what do i want, neh? That's the million souls left question. I could go with so much stuff, could rip off fanfics or even original series of so much stuff. Could make myself a hero in fable, a werewolf in mister_cynicals lycanthropy, but in the end i know what i've gotta do. Cause nothing i could ever pick is gonna be as sheer mindblowingly orgasmicismly? awesome with proper awe as. . . . . .**(1)**

(LINE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK)

"Steven, wake up. Breakfast time!" i had a massive shit eating grin on my face. It worked! Course i expected all sorts of problems, and j-dog probably messed some shit up on purpose, but it'd make it all the more fun if i got what i asked for.

So i got my newely 5 year old body out of bed, and stood up with that same grin getting even wider. My body was not the most well cared for as i got older. years of drug abuse and bad nutrition, but waaaay too much of the bad nutrition, had made me get out of breath even going up the stairs. Bam, instant healthy, just kill the planet. Hmm, actually i didn't start it the first time and it'd be kinda unlikely for it to happen a second time. Meh, i was planning on all sorts of work outs anyway.

So i got dressed and all and skipped down the stairs happy as a puppy with a hotdog. Or summat like that. Got kissed by my mother, mostly ignored by my sister and father, and ate some hardcore wheetbix (joy) and just sort of frothed in my seat. Now, i'm not an idiot, despite what my constant swearing and basically retarded life choices i made were, but i factored in that i'd be five and thus expected to act five from then on. So i got all my memories from when i was five back again. Cause let's face it, you can't remember when you're five.

But i had the memories, and that was the important bit. Because then i could _act_ five, instead of swearing my head off and causing a great deal of mischief. So i remembered that today was going to be my first day of school. I already knew this, because that's when i told J-dog to rewind my life to. But i digress.

So i acted all bubbly, which wasn't that difficult because i had so much energy! It was insane! And i was just happy to be here of course.

After breakfast we headed to school, for me to start the big day.

(LINE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK)

Damn, i'd forgotten how boring school was. There was the five year old part of me that was having a ball of course, but it was vastly overshadowed by the parts of me that were more eagerly anticipating tonight. But i got through the day, and didn't even sleep at nap time. felt quite proud of myself, but also because a half hours sleep is only gonna tease me for later.

By the time i got to bed at night, i was completely shattered. Where had all my energy gone? I didn't think such a thing could have existed for me. I could barely muster up the energy to move the chakra around like i divinely (no seriously) knew how. And bam, about a tenth of a second of sharingan, then passing out in chakra exhaustion.

But i knew there was so much more waiting for me there.

(LINE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK)

Dreamscapes are amazing things. If you've ever had a lucid dream you know what i'm on about. It's sheer, god like, ability to alter the universe at an elemental level. If you want gravity to be a million, it was. If you wanted to suddenly have a ten foot steel plated tail, you did. Things like that. Unfortunately, it didn't transfer across to the real world. Sure, trained reflexes might, but your body wouldn't improve because your body's not doing anything, your mind is.

Sorta.

Of course, i had made the rules of this world, so it could have made me unstobable with one nights workout there, but if anyone else discovered it we could destroy the world with our battles. Ergo, i made it weak, but with some cool features. Features like the me standing across from me.

I was staring into the face of an exact copy of me. He was staring back, but much more like he knew what the fuck he was doing. He was my personal trainer, of a sort. An exact copy of me in the real world, minus injuries i may accumulate, except with all the knowledge i told J-dog i wanted to learn eventually. So he was my full potnential, with the full range of abilities from both knights of the old republic games, plus a bit more thrown in that was just stuff i thought you could do with the force. He _didn't_ however, know anything at all about chakra.

So while we could use the sharingan as a teaching aid, we couldn't use any other forms of chakra. He'd probably figure out some way of doing it, but for the meantime the Jedi training was more important.

"Been waiting for you a long time boss," he begins. I can already tell he's gonna be insufrable. "C'mon turn on your sharingan and copy this shit."

I just grunt and begin to copy him. Didn't run out of chakra of course, dreamscape. However, this comes with a cost. I don't retain the full information i copy in here, both because it's made up chakra that's doing it, and i've only got the weakest stage of sharingan. Don't have the capacity for anything more. So while he's running me through about 8 different fighting styles, all unarmed, i'm already thinking about how next to useless this is gonna be in the real world. But, it'll help training.

Then comes the fun part, sparring. Without the slightest warning, he comes at me with an unbelievably fast flurry of blows, all of wich i dodge by sheer virtue of the fact i can see what he does before he does it, and he's in my body. If he was in even slightly better condition, i'd be fucked. He snaps of a roundhouse to the head, which i barely block with moves i've only seen once, and then gets me with the followup jab to the sternum. You know that spot at the bottom of your ribs, where you can't breath for like a minute after it gets hit? Yeah, right on that.

He helps me up, and then we go at it again. This time i lead with my patented kneeing him in the bollocks while he's helping me up move. As he's writhing in pain, i start kicking him hard as i can in the face and chest. This seems like a good plan to me, and he can't really die, but as soon as he catches my leg, i know i'm fucked.

He's got the eternal sharingan going. The one that comes with teleporting and sheer, fuck-everybody-upness. He's beyond pissed. He starts calling up all sorts of force shit, getting me with lightning, waves of power, something that made me sick of all things, and i was completely frozen while he did it. Then he uses me as a punching bag.

All the time he's doing this, i'm barely able to hold onto one thought through the pain, i can't copy his force moves. This is good i guess, but it'd really help out against him right now. He stops the pain, heals me of all things, and then we get right back into it. Albiet at a much more balanced level.

He makes me do a few stretches and stuff, just so i can know what to do when i get to the real world. He obviously believes i'm gonna need the stuff he's teaching me, and i probably will at some point. No sharingan for the stretches, because those are all intimately personal and no-one can do someone elses stretch. There body isn't designed for it.

After all this is up, we just spend a few solid hours listening. I mean really Listening. To fuck all. There's no sound in here except this quiet humming i can hear coming from somewhere, probably just so i don't freak out over how quiet it is.

Of course, it eventually dawns on me that's what i'm supposed to be listening to. I've probably just wasted a few hours by sitting there trying to block it out. From his laugh, i can tell he's reading my thought, and my usual defence wont work solely because he's me. So we sit there, and we listen, and we listen, and we sit. It's majorly boring, when i could be getting so much practice in, but it is peacefull. Fills me with happy, even when i'm bored out of my mind. Peace, i guess.

So we spar some more, and then he makes me do a fair few kata's, telling me why and just how hard i suck with every move i do. Then it's wake up time and on to day two of this little bizzare world i've built myself.

**AN:** seemed like a good place to stop. i would have stopped where i put the (1) but the title of the story kinda gives away the suspense that would have built. i'll try and explain anything people ask me, but for basic things like the sharingan or chakra, or the force, or jedi, or the knights of the old republic, or anything i stick in further down the road, i might not bother solely because if your reading a story titled **jedi with a motherfucking sharingan bitch** (the original title) you probably know this stuff already. if you've got a problem with the language, or the blatantly crap way i told this story, let me hear it. i'm happy to recieve feedback provided it's not all "hurr your story suxxorz hurr hurr"

and i bet i'll probably get a review saying just that now


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **c'mon, as if I even slightly own this stuff. if I did I wouldn't be mangling it this bad.

My life quickly became routine. I'd wake up in the morning, after a hard nights training, do some pushups and such, little excercises to give me some chance of using what I was learning. I'd show up to school, do there little coloring excercise, read there little book on making friends, and go home to a powersleep that lasted about 14 hours. I had nothing else to do with my time. I was bored, but I was learning.

After a few weeks, people started to notice I was a little strange. I'd try my hardest to befriend the guys I knew would stick with me till the rapture, but I didn't really act like anyone my age, and I swore way too much for them to be comfortable around me.

People were asking questions. My teachers would give me advanced reading/spelling work, and try to subtly ask me about my home situation. I wishedIi had a lightsaber on me, just so i could get out of the place. I'd had enough of the lies.

But things were a little different then I'd thought they'd be. I'd noticed it on my second day. There were togruta and twi'leks _in my class_. There were motherfucking aliens in my class! i'd told J-dog I'd wanted them to be included at some point, but I wasn't expecting anything like this. People seemed to avoid them a lot. They got treated like scum. Sure they were taught the subjects, but they weren't expected to learn anything. They'd have there own toilets, they were confined to the back of the bus, had there own drinking fountains, the works. I felt sorry for them, but mostly pity for my own kind. These were another sentient species, and we were treating them like rabid animals.

So I started talking to them. They were hella suspicious, but raised to pander to what us humans told them to do, so despite uncertainty, they'd talk to me. It was a start. There was this little togruta girl called Shaan Alatra who was the only one of her kind in our grade. She talked to me openly and honestly as togruta are largely pack animals and the seperation would have been terrible for her.

I found her fastinating! There was so much different in her culture, and merely for what she was, I was blown away. I couldn't believe we'd be so blind as a species not to embrace this diversity. She talked constantly about her home life, and what her family was up to, and what movies she wanted to see. I helped her out a little here, as I could rent movies out but she, as a _lesser_ (fuckers) citizen couldn't.

My family flipped. Those fucking bastards outright told me to stop talking to these _beasts_. If i'd had a lightsaber, I would have been hardpressed not to kill them where they stood. My family! They'd always gone on and on about peace between all cultures and such, and now just because there were other species, they'd flipped position and told me who I could and couldn't befriend!

I ran away that night. I'd miss out on a bit of training, and I could barely call upon the force, despite spending most of my time listening to it. I was scared, and I was a child. This would end badly.

(LINE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK)

I just ran. I had no idea where I was going, what I was doing. I just knew I couldn't take that family anymore. I had to get away.

"Steven?" I whirled around. Shaan Alatra! What was she doing outside at like ten thirty at night? "What are you doing out here?"

I looked around me. I'd ended up in the alien district of town. Well shit, could have gone worse places. Not by much though, this place was a hole of the worst description.

"I umm. . . ." what was I supposed to say? "I ran away from home." My shoulders slumped with this statement, and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world.

"Why?"

"My parents told me to stop hanging out with you. Fuckers neh?" In for a penny, in for a pound. I fully never expected to see her again after all.

"Shaan! Get inside this instant!" an older togruta woman came over too me. "Sorry about that boss, she gets a little too curious. Anything I can help you with?"

"Nah mate me an' fucking Shaan go to school together. I was just fucking chattin' with her man."

"You are. . . friends?" She seems afraid to ask.

"Yeah she's told me plenty of stories. She's fun." I could see sadness in her eyes. As far as she could tell, I was just some other human dickhead slumming, as it were, with the alien life. She didn't like it, but she'd put up with it.

"Did you come to visiter her?"

"Nah I was just out wandering, happened past her." Wandering the alien district at ten thirty at night, yeeeaaah. "Well anyway, I should probably go, but before I leave, here." I handed her the movie Shaan was constantly talking about. "She said something about wanting to watch it. . . " I mumble as I walk off.

I'd have loved to stay the night, get up to all sorts of shenannigans, get to know her family, but it was getting late and I needed to find somewhere to sleep.

(LINE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK)

The next day I woke up in someones shed and had to sneak out before I caused a scene. They would have been a little unsettled to be sure. There weren't any homeless in the suburbs I lived in. Probably would have made the local paper. But I digress.

I spent the day stealing food from the shops, and practicing my fighting styles in the park. I wasn't very good, but I knew roughly how I was supposed to do everything, what with the sharingan and all, and I had absolutely nothing else to do. You'd think I'd have gotten bored, but eight different fighting styles, with over thirty kata's each, and probably a couple hundred moves that aren't in any of the kata's, and it took a sizeable amount of time to get through it all.

Ended up showering in the disabled toilets, put on some deoderant i'd stolen, and headed over to Shaans house cause school would have just ended. I dunno why I went back to be honest. I guess because I had nowhere else to go.

(LINE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK)

Me and Shaan had become rapid friends over the past few weeks. I had been staying at her house, helping them out with odd things like buying groceries for them and such. As a human, I was getting favoured deals. Even as a six year old I could open doors for them that might not have been available. It seemed like the considerate thing to do.

I was having fun too. I met all her brothers and sisters and her parents, her uncles, aunts, grandparents. There were about thirty of them living on the one property. It was a bit of a problem trying to fit me in as well, but i was endeavouring to make it as easy on them as i could. During the day I went out and practiced, but the afternoons were a special time I always made room for. I even got Shaan to start learning how to fight as well.

Unfortunately, six year olds aren't quite as stealthy as I would have liked.

**AN: **Crap I know. I don't know what the fuck i'm thinking still writing this. I can't even remember if a I is supposed to be capitalised or not. This is a major fucking problem I am having seeing as I am saying it about every three fucking words. I'm not proud of this story, but i figured i owe it to all of the maybe half a person who read the first chapter and wanted to read more. wayyyy shorter than the first chapter, but all the drugs are getting to me. i cant muster up the entheusiasm to write anymore. drop a review before i off myself and i'll give a response after i off myself. somehow


	3. Chapter 3

Wow, okay, I was in a really dark place last time I updated this. Sorry about the 3 year wait guys! New chappy, new me!

It had begun innocently enough. I was out for a walk, debating whether I was still an addict. See, my body had kicked any physical/chemical dependency I may have had, infact it had never encountered them in the first place. But my mind! Being incredibly bored, wandering the streets of rural suburbia, I was desperate for entertainment. The old me (literally) would have turned to drugs, would have at least smoked to pass the time. But I was determined to stay clean and healthy. Sure, I had lingering desires to do such things, but to tell the truth, I was scared. If I started down that path again, if I had even one hit, would it all come flooding back? Would I become the same pathetic little man I had been?

It wasn't worth the risk.

This had been keeping me up at night. Worrying to such a degree isn't healthy for a child. I needed my sleep, to grow up big n strong. Also, I felt the need to talk the whole thing over with my drill sergeant clone, so I resolved to put the whole thing out of mind until I was well and truly asleep.

I fell asleep dreaming of alien women. Even without the hormones, old habits die hard.

Waking up in a dreamscape is nothing like waking up in real life. It begins with a sense of weightlessness, like your body and mind are drifting separate ways. Then, you just need to fix yourself a horizon, and your subconscious mind will fill in the rest.

My dreamscape was barren, as always. Instead of the usual bleak whiteness, there was acrid wasteland all around. In the distance, a mountain crumbled. Overhead, red clouds zoomed past at incredible velocity and gathered quickly. The whole thing smelt like tequila and death.

"There's a storm coming." I, that is, he, said.

"I, uh, I can see that." This had thrown me off balance, but hey, worst comes to worst, whatever the dreamscape threw at me would be gone upon waking. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Your lingering drug dependency, I take it?" Well, he could read my mind. I assume he has nothing better to do than watch through my eyes while I'm awake. "Don't even consider it. Drugs scatter your mind, ruin your connection to the force and otherwise weaken you as an individual. And you are, above all things, individual." The identical copy of me said. "You're only worrying about this because you haven't felt the power you can attain. It's monumental."

Without another word, he threw a fist right at my face. It hit dead on, as I hadn't been expecting anything of the sort, and didn't have my sharingan activated. _Listen_. The word came to me as only sound in a dream can. An idea, fully formed, all substance, no form.

I activated my sharingan and was immediately ensnared in a boot to the head. _Listen_. Snarling, with all the terrifying presence of my six year old form, I lashed back, hard.

Picked up with powerful energies I had yet to use, let alone master, I was dropped on my head. Hard.

_Listen_.

Things were crumbling around me. Lightning struck, again and again. Massive cracks formed in the ground, and there was nothingness waiting at the bottom. I felt terrified. I tried desperately to listen, to Listen, anything to calm the place down.

That's when I awoke, to screams and crashing and violence aplenty. I was being lifted out of bed by an imposing figure in riot gear, many times my size. I thrashed violently, attempting to escape his grasp, but I proved far too weak.

I was carried from the room, past Shaans family. They were being corralled into a metal cage on wheels, with unnecessarily uncomfortable bonding keeping them from struggling. Shaans father looked dead to the world, like a man who understood exactly why this travesty was occurring, completely resigned to the powerlessness he had. Her mother was crying, trying to hold Shaan and unable too, with her arms bound behind her back.

That was the last I ever saw of them.


End file.
